If, as per Dane Cook, the DMV is Satan's asshole, then the holiday season is his sweaty ballsac. It's like fucking Viagra for whatever emotions you're currently feeling. If things are hunky dory, this time of year makes you euphoric, probably to the point of spending all your goddamn money on shit no one in their right mind needs. If, on the other hand, things aren't so great or, god forbid, your life just plain sucks, then you are condemned to the fiery fifth ring of hell, and you have to live there surrounded by a bunch of idiots who truly believe all the nonsense about the beauty of this horrible season. Ho fucking ho.
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November 2008
November 27, 2008
November 24, 2008
November 19, 2008
Theater of the Mind: Initial Thoughts
To put it mildly, I'm a pretty big fan of Chris Bridges. I could probably recite any part of his first four albums - well, maybe not ALL of Chicken & Beer - complete with ad libs and samples. He is a rare combination of talents in a rap game that often centers on the one dimensional. His voice and flow are bar none, at least among current competition: he is infinitely dexterous with his delivery, slapping together syllables and making them sound completely at home together, nimbly navigating every nook and cranny of the beat. If you were to diagram his lyrics in terms of both rhyme and meter, you would see some pretty amazing things, the foremost being how consistently they overlap and in intricate patterns. He's also damn entertaining. Few people could make individual word fragments so compelling, nor could they use them so effectively to anchor each line of a verse. But beyond this, he is also a highly skilled lyricist, a fact which often gets overlooked in appreciation of his more obvious acoustic properties. For a rapper with such high airplay and Soundscan numbers, he is quite simply out of his league - you know, in the good way.
Sound like gushing? I know, but it doesn't preclude me from acknowledging what a steaming pile of cow dung his last album was. Of course he went and won a Grammy for "Release Therapy," but T.I. was right - he DID have the album of the year, "Grammy or not." Luda in no way deserved that award, except possibly as a cumulative effort based on his entire catalog, while T.I.'s "King" was one of the best (mainstream) rap albums of the year. I still haven't forgiven 'Cris for crowding out the occasional good song like "Grew Up A Screw Up" with garbation like, well, the rest of the album. I know he has a Neptunes track or two per album, but they don't usually suck the way "Money Maker" and, *gag*, "Girls Gone Wild" do. Add in "Woozy" featuring R. Kelly and "End of the Night" featuring Bobby Valentino and you can call it a done deal, at least for me.
It seemed unlikely that he could screw up that royally again, and a number of things boded well. The concept, for one, signaled a more unified approach to the new album. Framing it as a cinematic experience, with each track its own scene, seemed like a good move, as it wasn't too constraining of a concept for an artist notoriously unable to be contained within a predetermined set of musical rules. He also had a good mixtape leading up to the release ("The Preview" with DJ Drama - get it?). Then again, the "Pre Release Therapy" mixtape was darn good too, so that doesn't really say much after all.
So now down to business. How does "Theater of the Mind" hold up on first listen? With the DJ Premier track, T.I. collaboration, and desperate need to redeem himself, expectations are high. Let's see...
1) Intro (prod. The Runners)
It starts out like a typical worthless intro, as someone with an intentionally horrible British accent introduces the concept by hushing the audience, telling them to turn their cell phones off, etc. Eventually Luda redeems it by rapping his way into the album, as he so loves to do. His intro verse here is notably less high charged than his others, which were often the highlight of their given album. This one just gets those going.
2) Undisputed co-starring Floyd "Money" Mayweather (prod. Don Cannon)
The celebratory horns and sleazy lounge beat really set Luda up to nail this one, which he mostly does. It's another typical opening song from him - big time braggadocio, dropping hella swag all over the track. He's always been an outstanding punchline rapper, and he gets a few good ones in here too ("If you sitting on your chrome / I'll call up my boys and have you stripped of your medals like Marion Jones, nigga!").
3) Wish You Would co-starring T.I. (prod. DJ Toomp)
This is easily the better of the two collaborations between these two on their latest albums. Well, maybe not so easily, but it at least doesn't have that Velveeta-ass hook like T.I.'s "On Top of the World." Not anywhere close to the best we've heard from Toomp. Did he return from his T.I. exile just a shell of his former self? T.I. outshines Luda, but not by too much.
4) One More Drink co-starring T-Pain (prod. Trackmasters)
Standard Trackmasters beat, meaning that you're waiting to hear Ne-Yo the entire song. Luda usually elevates these paeans to radio play above the mediocrity of the rest of the pack, but he doesn't do much with this one. It's aight, but for Ludacris that's not good enough. Plus I kept hearing Obie Trice throughout this one ("And when I wake up, hopefully she got some teeth").
5) Call Up the Homies co-starring The Game & Willy Northpole (prod. Clinton Sparks)
A great, dark, ominous beat laces Luda for his most cinematic moment of the album as he narrates a night out in "Killa Cali" with Game. Game returns the favor with a stay in the A, but he doesn't carry the narrative thread like Luda does, instead spitting the typical generalities about making it rain in the strip club (scratch that, he'll bring "a hurricane on the way"). The song still works overall, though.
6) Southern Gangsta co-starring Rick Ross, Playaz Circle, & Ving Rhames (prod. StreetRunner)
The below average beat sets this one up for failure, and it doesn't disappoint. Luda has it on autopilot besides a few more good punchlines, but Rick Ross still sounds ridiculous on that d-boy shit and the Playaz Circle boys are almost cringe-worthy ("I'm so sick I wrote this verse in a hospital / It's an election year, we support strippers" - the fuck?).
7) Everybody Hates Chris co-starring Chris Rock (prod. Don Cannon)
Some more swaggering horns from Don Cannon get things going again. Luda flows like water over this one, but his jokes lack the clever edge they usually have. And was that another Chris Webber reference?
8) What Them Girls Like co-starring Chris Brown & Sean Garrett (prod. Darkchild)
I know I dissed his other radio effort, but I kinda like this one. It sticks to the formula right down to the Chris Brown chorus, but the Eastern element to the instrumental and the handclap breakdowns are quite good. Plus the highly syncopated beat gives Luda room to get his superior flow working. It's still not up to the standard set by his earlier singles, like "What's Your Fantasy" and "Area Codes," but I for one am happy when it comes on the radio.
9) Nasty Girl co-starring Plies (prod. Swizz Beatz)
New Rule: No more songs about women who pay for shit with (gasp) their own money. It would be like the dudes from Green Day singing about the "good" black guy who isn't on welfare and has a college education, meaning that it's both misleading and offensive. I don't want to hear anyone else, and especially no more of my favorite artists, talking about "independent women" like they're some novelty. I can count up a lot more single moms than single dads shouldering more than their share of the financial burden while their Significant Other is missing in action, so let's dead that right here and now. It's not the main focus of the song, but the whole "she makes her own money, pays her own bills" thing gets me going. I'm just saying. And the song's nothing spectacular either.
10) Contagious co-starring Jamie Foxx (prod. Scott Storch)
This song sucks. I gotta be honest, and I just can't find anything appealing about it, from the syrupy sweet beat to the nondescript Jamie Foxx chorus to the fact that Luda doesn't flip a double-time flow on this slower track. Next.
11) Last of a Dying Breed co-starring Lil Wayne (prod. Wyldfyer)
This song, on the other hand, bangs hella hard (do females have to use "no homo"?). "I put it on tape and then I sell it like Ray J" - that shit makes me laugh every time even if it's not the cleverest thing he ever spit. Lil Wayne brings an energetic performance, but he's not touching Luda here. His metaphors are even sharper on this one: "Six months later you'll deposit every word / Till your memory bank gives me the credit I deserve."
12) MVP (prod. DJ Premier)
Preemo's beats are so fucking legendary that it's taken me a while to admit that a lot of his newest shit just isn't up to that same standard. This beat, along with Preme's contributions to Termanology's album, does a magnificent job of updating the formula. The slower, more deliberate pace and scratches from the Nas/Luda collab "Virgo" suit 'Cris to a tee, and he doesn't disappoint. He throws metaphors and punchlines left and right the whole way through, and most of them hit the mark. I swear, If I had a dime for every Chris Paul reference I've heard this year, I could drop as many as CP3 does.
13) I Do It For Hip Hop co-starring Nas & Jay-Z (prod. Wyldfyer)
This monster collaboration is surprisingly undistinguished. None of the three MCs gives a real stand-out performance, but Jigga probably gets best verse honors just for bringing SOME bit of energy to this somnolent affair. The low-key beat and half-assed verses are a real shame on what should have been an incredible song.
14) Do the Right Thang co-starring Common & Spike Lee (prod. 9th Wonder)
And we close out on a good note. I've recently been convinced that we all just take 9th Wonder for granted, because when he contributes just a beat or two to a given album it's usually one of the best, but I have a hard time maintaining focus for a whole album's worth of material. I know "boring" and "same-sounding" might apply as well, but I'm gonna give him the benefit of the doubt and go with "underappreciated." Common drops the best guest verse on the album, and both he and Luda make it a strong finish.
So in the end it's an up-and-down effort. Thankfully, the lows aren't anywhere near as low as "Release Therapy," but the highs also aren't as stratospheric as I've come to expect from Luda. It's a pretty good overall performance, but I can't even put it in my top three favorite albums from him. Now that could change as I listen to it more, which is fairly likely since Ludacris songs tend to endear themselves to me more and more over time, but it definitely won't touch either of his first two albums. It's too bad that, in going for the more mature Ludacris, he has lost some of the edge that made him so captivating to listen to in the first place. I appreciate his attempt at growth - something he achieves with a fair amount of success - but I find myself just wanting him to wild out on the mic like before. Bring back the Abominable Ho-Man, please.
Knee-Jerk Rating: 7.9/10
November 17, 2008
November 10, 2008
November 04, 2008
November 03, 2008
This Is The Day
I don't even know what to say as we gear up for this election. I'm alternately giddy with anticipation and absolutely terrified about what might happen. Every reasonable estimate points to an Obama win, and by a decent margin, but I can't shake the Chris Rock side of me that goads, "You thought getting the most votes meant you won? Oh, that was the rule yesterday. New game today." It's not like this millennium's elections have been straightforward and without controversy. Am I crazy for being this apprehensive? I can't shake the fear that something could go horribly wrong, leaving me seriously in danger of converting my political dissent into outright apathy. But the universe wouldn't do that to me, would it? Would it??
I remember watching the results of the last presidential election unfold and getting that sinking feeling early on that no good would come of it. I laid on the couch in a sort of trance, waiting for my husband to come home, hearing all the prognosticators explain why Kerry's early totals were so low and how he could still catch up. I kept trying to turn away, but like a damn car wreck I was stuck and had to watch all night.
I don't know if I have another night like that in me. If the numbers roll in and start pointing in the wrong direction, somebody better lock the medicine cabinet and bolt the windows. If I can keep my small bubble of family around me and block out the rest of the Fresno ethos, I can probably make it through with my sanity in tact, but I'm not counting on anything. I've already been too disappointed in the past to get my hopes up.
